Hei, how are you?
I hope things got better for you. Right now, I feel sad and afraid of the future. You know it’s hard to stay happy when you lose something that is important to you. I know sometimes, when things get hard, it feels like the weight of the world is crushing down on every single molecule of your entire being, and you feel suffocated.
But things will get easy. I know, we already faced a greater problem than this. We both know, I survived a lot of hardships, broken heart, jobless, and suicidal thought. I hope you’re doing well. I’m proud of myself and seeing me now, being here, and being able to remember our stories and share my thoughts, I think life’s getting easier for us.
I remember I used to love reading your words, seeing your smile, seeing your stories, and those little things that you shared, it’s all makes me happy. Right now I’m having a hard time in life. It’s hard to find peace when your mind is constantly in the clouds, but having our memories together makes it a bit easier to breathe.
I’m not sure if burying myself in work or sleep may be a bad way of escapism or an unhealthy coping mechanism, but truly, I just want to survive this. For all the things that you all have done for me, I thank you. Right now I’m still trying to do my best with what I could. Surviving this disease and depression.
This disease, our separation, and all the pain I felt before it doesn’t make me sad anymore. I’ve always wanted you to be happy. Even if it’s not with me, even if I’m not in your life anymore. I just want what’s best for you and a life of happiness. So this is a prayer, a hope, and a declaration.
You’ll always hold a place in my heart but I’ve moved on. You’ve moved on and I just want you to know that I’m forever grateful for our time we had together. You’ve taught me so much and made me realize what I need in life. So thank you for everything. At this very moment, I’m not sad anymore. And I’ve finally learned how to live again.
There was a time that I really hoped that we would be together again. I know I shouldn’t pray for anyone to stay in my life, or to stay with me. But I insist on doing that every single time I remember you. It was painful, it hurt so much. Eventually, I try to face it and acknowledge that I’m in a hopeless situation.
I realized I need distance even though it’s so hard to bear. Everything that happened to me made me realize how precious our time together is, every moment that passes through in my life, and I learned that I should appreciate you more.
It’s funny how life teaches you a lesson. I learned that it can seem scary when the things you used to hold close aren’t the same anymore. I learned that when you lose something precious, you will learn about loss and pain. And then you become depressed and eventually become a better person. Life is though, and so are you.
Things that hurt you, became bearable. Things that make you sad, became a routine. It doesn’t mean your love is gone, it means that you’ve changed, you’ve become a new you and now you can get to learn that new you instead.
Life is constantly changing. In the near future those clothes you used to love aren’t what you feel comfortable in anymore or the one person that really understood you no longer seems to. And it’s alright. Life is full of surprises and I hope it treats you well. I still miss you, but it feels less hurt everytime I remember you.
Right now I’m whole. I’m perfect. I’m broken but I didn’t need you to fix me. I wanted you. And I only wanted you cause I couldn’t have you. And that wasn’t love. So while I wrote this letter, I realized I still miss you, but I can survive without you.
